Would You Be The Man I Used To Know? (One-Shot)
by HeyAssbutt21
Summary: After the battle of Hogwarts is over and Hermione has gave up on Harry for a life on her own, she begins to wonder if she made the right decision and why she thought it was best to do what she did.


**A/N** : While you're waiting on the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Sudden Change of Life Itself, I thought I'd take the time to write this little one-shot story about Hermione and her struggles after the battle of Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy this little one-shot and leave a review telling me what you think of it so here we go.

 **Summary:** After the battle of Hogwarts is over and Hermione has gave up on Harry for a life on her own, she begins to wonder if she made the right decision and why she thought it was best to do what she did.

 **Contains:** Past Harry/Hermione relationship. Flashbacks. Slight AU from story.

* * *

 **Would You Be The Man I Used To Know?**

Hermione Granger sat up from her motel bed, the beaten down covers warm around her after using a heating spell for the third time that night, she had been travelling the country for almost three months now and had yet to find a good comfortable, affordable place that also allowed hot blankets and water on a good budget but she knew that this was through no fault of her own, she had decided this life for herself, she knew she needed to get away from everything and everyone. She just couldn't do that to anyone. Not even him...

The thought of his name brought shivers down Hermione's back and she automatically pulled the covers back up around herself, coughing in the dust particles that clouded around before deciding that it was no use and throwing the covers off her body and slowly placing her feet on the floor, pointing her wand at the lights and uttering a small charm to turn them on as she placed her feet into her warm woolly slippers and stood, the room now flooded in light and what Hermione was sure could have been memories, pacing over to the window and looking out at the busy street below, her curly hair hanging limply around her shoulders, it hadn't always been like this, she had been happier and she had been more like herself but that was before, that was when she had still felt alive, that was in the past.

* * *

 _Two Years Ago_

 _Hermione pushed her braid back out of her face, aiming her wand at yet another death eater and firing, smiling to herself as the spell hit true again and the next death eater would go down, she had been fighting for almost two hours now, The Battle of Hogwarts had barely begun but there had been many casualties and too many close calls, it was getting too close._

 _Ducking behind a pillar on the second floor, Hermione saw a jet of green light fly past her, hitting the archway on the other end of the hall and double back hitting it's caster straight in the chest who fell with no more than a gasp as Hermione jumped out from her hiding place and began to cast again and again, spells firing each way and back as she headed for the other end of the hallway, she was pretty sure that this was the way he had came, was so sure this would be where he would be hoping to get rid of it._

 _Reaching the corridor for the girl's bathroom, Hermione hurried on wards, sliding through a couple of death eaters feet as she did so until she reached her destination and slammed the door open, running inside and slamming it shut again with her foot as she took in a couple of deep breaths, she had been right, this was where he had gone._

 _"Harry..."_

 _He turned at the sound of her voice and Hermione couldn't help the small gasp of wonder and hope escape her as she looked at him, he looked perfect, exactly the way he had before he had run off, leaving her and Ron to fend for themselves though she couldn't help notice he looked a little more worried like something wasn't going right._

 _"Harry, you didn't have to do, me and Ron would have came with you, helped you."_

 _She was pleading with him and she knew it, he knew it too but he wouldn't say anything about it, he was too proud that way, he thought he had to do everything himself but he didn't and Hermione just couldn't get him to see that. She had to get it through to him, she just had to make him understand._

 _"You can't help me Hermione, no-one can, I need to do this, I have to be the one to finish him, I have to kill him and only I can do it myself, I don't want you.. and Ron getting hurt."_

 _There had been a pause between her and Ron's name, she knew it, had heard the slight hitch in his breath, his slight delay of adding another name like said name would bring about every bad thing in the world but Hermione pushed on, she had to make him see straight._

 _"Don't you see Harry, we're in this together."_

 _And she had strode forwards, all intent on grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him until he seemed to get it or his glasses fell of his face exposing his green eyes for what they were and leaving his jet black hair in a state of disarray but that never came, all her thoughts were blocked as she reached him and reached forward, having no time to react as Harry grabbed her by her waist, pulling them closer and closer until their lips touched and that moment time seemed to stop, it was just the two of them, nothing else was going on, there was no war going on beneath and above her, it was she and him, him and her, Harry and Hermione._

 _The kiss felt like it lasted a year, or a millennium but in reality it was over within seconds and Harry was putting his chin on the top of her head, pulling her close again and hugging her, whispering words of wisdom and comfort to death ears when all she wanted was to help him and in the next second he had been gone, disappearing down the dark tunnel that had lead to the chamber within and the sinks collapsing back into place when she tried to follow but it hadn't mattered, he was stubborn that way, he never would have let her follow him anyway no matter the occasion and this was one where she had to be strong for him and fight for their future, she had to do it. she could be strong, she could fight for their future._

 _And she had, but the thing about the future is it doesn't always wind up happening the way you want it to._

* * *

Present Day

Hermione snapped out of her daydream, shaking her head slightly, here she was standing here at the motel window, thinking back on old memories at four o'clock in the morning when she had already tried to stop herself from thinking back to the old times, the times when it had been easier and she had been younger and more sure of herself, oh how she wished she could go back at times and tell her past self that things don't work out the way you want, things were never that easy.

Sighing and leaning over to open the window slightly, Hermione saw herself in the mirror and stood still, trying to figure out why she looked so much like this, her forehead and face were flushed and thinning, her nails bitten down to the stubs and bloody and her hair still hang curly and limp on her shoulders, giving her the appearance that she hadn't showered in months and sure it hadn't been days but she was just too focused on moving from place to place to worry about her appearance, there was more to life than constant good looks and beauty, she had had a few, she had been brainy, top of her class and constantly looking out for new knowledge.

But that was then and this was now, it wasn't like she was born to be amazingly gorgeous, she had had a few bad timings like many other students her age but yet he had always came back with the same dopey grin on his face and the ability to turn her speechless whether it had been flowers at Valentine's or dancing with her at the Yule Ball, it had all been magical but that was the thing about the past you could look back on the past and remember what you had with a fond memory and move on or you could wallow in self pity for the rest of you're life never really knowing for sure if you had done the right thing, she could still remember the words as they had tumbled from her mouth, wishing she could stop them and the look of shock and horror upon his face as he understood what she was trying to say but didn't want to admit it, it had almost been as hard as this fight she was having with her herself currently.

* * *

 _A Few Months Ago_

 _"Harry, can I talk to you?"_

 _Hermione heaved a big sigh, rubbing at her eyes quickly to stop him from seeing that she had been crying as he turned to face her, smile evident on his face as the day of a rising sun which clenched at Hermione's insides reminding her so much more when she didn't want to do this, why she didn't want to hurt him but she had to do it for herself and if that was selfish then she didn't care, she had always been doing things for other people, always looked out for others, put others before herself, it was time for a change._

 _He had continued to smile, listening to her talk and explain that she needed to go away for a few months just to clear her head and get a better understanding of what she wanted to do and where she was going on in her life._

 _"Okay great, when do we leave?"_

 _It had seemed so good to be true that she had been surprised that it wasn't so, did he really think that it was supposed to be the two of them but she hadn't necessarily stated otherwise, so there had been no need for him to think otherwise but wasn't she right in thinking also that there was more between the two of them than the simple thought of being together, hadn't he told her he would go anywhere with her no matter the cost, he had and this would hurt her more than him but she had to do it, at least for herself._

 _"Harry look, when I said go away, I meant just myself, without you, I need to travel and find my place in the world. I hope you can understand."_

 _He simply hadn't understood at all..._

* * *

Hermione closed her eyes for a moment, trying to stop the tears from escaping and focusing her breathing back on the good old days before the bad stuff had sunk in, leaving her hallow and vulnerable, she hadn't felt this way since the Dementors had cast a highly bad memory on her back in her third year and before that, she hadn't felt this down since her cat ginger had died when she was three.

Opening her eyes slowly again, Hermione looked around the room once again, shaking her head slightly and walking over to her rucksack, pulling the thing open and yanking out a pile of clothes, changing into them so fast and stuffing her old clothes into the bag as she found her things spread out all over the room and began to stuff them back into the rucksack, keeping her mind as busy with other thoughts as she did, she refused to think anymore about it. She didn't want to, it just hurt too much to think about.

Five minutes she was ready and with a flick of her wand, the lights went out once again and she carefully edged her way out of the room, proper shoes on her feet now, her rucksack on her back and an envelope with forty pounds placed on the bed for the cost of the room and breakfast that she knew once again she wouldn't have touched even if she had stayed for the full night.

Edging out into the corridor, Hermione took a few hesitating steps forwards and creeping down the hall, feet landing softly on the carpeted floor as she finally reached the stairs and took them two at a time, next second finding herself standing outside in the cool Birmingham air, engulfing it all and wishing to be rid of it all in one step and the next second she had stated her walk again, finding herself a few minutes later in a wide out-stretch of forest area, one which looked safe enough as Hermione sat down for a couple of minutes, getting her breathing back in order whilst silent tears made their way down her cheeks and she curled up into a ball, shaking slightly as her breathing started to come out in more muffled gasps, the thoughts of the past few months hitting her once again, she was so sure she had made the right decision, she had tried to keep things going but it had been too hard, he just wasn't the same guy anymore and she'd had to draw the line.

But there was always something that hunted her dreams late at night and every waking moment as she walked around each city, taking in the new landmarks and trying not to think about him, if she hadn't let him go, would he still be the same man that she had used to know or would he still be this new jerk who was sure he was still doing everything to protect her. No.

Coming to a standing point, Hermione wiped at her tear streaked eyes, her hands cold from the night air as she looked around herself, if she had stayed, if he had tried harder or even if they had the ability to turn back time again and she where had went wrong.

And with that, Hermione concentrated hard on her next destination, her rucksack still firmly atop her back and a determined look on her face as she turned on the spot and in a flash she was gone just like before, just like at the start, just like she hadn't stayed for him, just like she always wondered if things would have been different if she didn't disappear every time things got too hard.

But there was one thing that Hermione was certain of more than anything else.

 _She would never know._

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A/N: Hey guys so there it is, my one-shot, it was such an honour to write this and I know some people might be upset by the way Hermione was acting but I think it was important to this little one-shot to show how Hermione could have been affected by everything after the battle of Hogwarts and needed a break, not realising she was hurting the one person who loved her and vice versa in the process of doing so. I hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot and leave me a little review telling me what you think.

I took inspiration for this one-shot from the song What If by Kate Winselt from a Christmas Carol Movie, I just felt like the song really fitted the story really well and you guys should give it a listen if you feel like doing so afterwards, anyway thank you again for taking the time to read my little one-shot and I'll see you all again next time for the next chapter of Harry Potter and the Sudden Change of Life Itself.

Peace and love until next time guys,

HeyAssbutt21


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